Sylvia Allen was born on May 27, 1960, the daughter of an Allegan county resident, the middle child of nine. She later had five children of her own: LaTanya, Katy, Althella, Termaine, and Kira; like every mother, she wanted to provide a good life for them.

After her mother died, Sylvia moved to Pullman, Michigan to be closer to her father, and found a house that could accommodate her five children. The landlord, who was reluctant to rent to a family with so many children, became pleased with the quality maintenance of Sylvia’s home. People commented that she was a meticulous housekeeper: “You would never have known five children lived there; it was so tidy!”

After living in Michigan about a year, Sylvia met and started dating a young man. As the relationship developed he became more controlling and possessive of her. Over time it escalated to physical violence and beatings. Sylvia told only a few people about her situation; shame silences victims of domestic violence. But she knew she had to take the steps necessary to regain her life. Sylvia wanted to get out.

She took advantage of nearby opportunities and pursued a GED through the Adult Education Program at Pearl School. Sylvia was an eager and bright student; she graduated in the late winter of 1988 at the top of her class and started making plans to go to college. Sylvia was full of hope. She had a mission. Along with getting an education, Sylvia learned how to drive and received her driver’s license. She was going places.

Her new-found independence and self-esteem threatened her boyfriend; he was losing control of her. Their relationship reached a crisis point when Sylvia learned of the pregnancy of a 16 year-old girl — her boyfriend was the father. Sylvia fought to break off the relationship and refused to see him. However, he soon retaliated. On the night of January 20, 1989, Sylvia’s boyfriend kidnapped her and held her hostage in a wooded field near her home throughout the night. By early morning, Sylvia had convinced him to allow her to return home. After escaping from him, she went to her father’s house and called the Michigan State Police, but they were unable to fine him.

On January 21, Sylvia and her father began the large task of moving her possessions out of her home. Everyone was scurrying about packing, when the telephone rang, Sylvia answered it and as she spoke, a gunshot blast went off. Her boyfriend shot her in the temple; he had hidden in the house waiting for her to return. Sylvia was pronounced dead on arrival at Allegan General Hospital, a victim of domestic violence. She was 28 years old.

This is why Sylvia’s Place exists.

If you would like to make a donation to support vital services for survivors of intimate partner violence, donate here.

Join us May 18 at Fenn Valley Winery any time between 6:30 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. for a fun night of wine tasting with your friends or loved one! The best part? Proceeds from the event support intimate partner violence survivors!

Wine tasting event includes:

Five wines to sample
Bubbling wine reception
Charcuterie
Beef tacos
Raffles

Attendees must be over 21 years old and have a current photo ID with them. RSVP by May 3!

Get tickets and further information here.

It is only with the help of our community that we can continue to offer survivors services like emergency shelter, basic needs items, individual case management, counseling referrals, court accompaniment, assistance with personal protection orders, and more. Your support is greatly appreciated!

Becky* found us while running from her ex with her young children. Her abuser routinely hit her and after she decided to leave, he continued to harass her through texts and phone calls. Already verbally and physically abusive, he then escalated and threatened to murder her for daring to leave him.

Through the recommendation of a friend Becky called Sylvia’s Place and though traumatized and exhausted, she and her kids arrived at our shelter soon after, safe and sound.

While Becky is still recovering from the abuse and working to obtain a personal protection order against her ex, she is thankful that she and her kids have a safe place to stay and heal; Becky is excited about a new job opportunity and looks forward to moving into her own apartment.

Thank you for making it possible for survivors like Becky to find safe shelter at Sylvia’s Place! If you are interested in helping survivors of intimate partner violence through a financial contribution, donate here.

*Survivor’s name has been changed for her protection.

We love our community supporters! From donating gifts to children and families in shelter, to gifting us items off our shelter needs list, to helping us wrap presents for survivors of domestic violence and their families, your contributions have made this season a truly magical one!

Thank you so much for your invaluable support!

Children exposed to domestic violence, who come into shelter with their moms, face added traumas of displacement from their homes, the loss of a parent, exposure to communal living, and the possible move to a new school. With this new transition comes the stress of losing old friends and making new ones.

Besides all the uncertainties and worries, obtaining school supplies adds another thing to stress over for both kid and mom – she being preoccupied with making sure her child has all necessary supplies for a first day, and the child being concerned about fitting in.

Thankfully, with the support from our community, school supplies for the school year are one less thing our clients need to worry about: a recent donor brought in brand new backpacks, each filled with various items needed for school, such as notebooks, rulers, and pencils.

Whether it’s backpacks, hygiene products, food, or financial contributions, you make the difference in survivors’ lives! If you would like to contribute much needed items for our clients, please visit our wishlist .

Join us October 13 at our annual Fall Fest event to hear the moving testimony of a survivor of intimate partner violence. Once fleeing the threat of beatings and other abuse, she has since obtained safe, permanent housing away from her abuser and is now living free from violence.

Along with our guest speaker’s testimony, stay for food and fun activities like raffles and a silent auction – proceeds support survivors of domestic abuse.

Fall Fest will be held Thursday evening, 5:30 to 8:30, October 13, at The Silo in Allegan. To purchase tickets, go to www.sylviasplace.com/fall-festival.

Volunteers don’t get hourly wages or health insurance for the time and effort they dedicate to a cause – they work because the cause is cause enough for them. For some, domestic violence is personal for them; for others, they recognize how necessary a shelter and supportive services are for survivors of intimate partner violence and want to express their support.

They contribute to nearly every aspect of our organization: they conduct research, sort and organize in-kind donations, wash windows and trim trees, write articles and create content, spend time with the kids in our safehouse, keep our library organized and clean, assist with events, and monitor our crisis line.

Whether they work for one hour a week or several hours a day, our volunteers help us increase awareness community awareness of domestic abuse and capacity for client services. Because of them, we can provide safe shelter to survivors escaping brutal violence and abuse. Their support is priceless, and we are incredibly grateful for each person’s dedication.

Interested in being a part of the Sylvia’s Place team? Apply here to volunteer with us!

A poem by Emery Beckman

Blue’s origins: trust and loyalty

Irony twists the definition into lies,

Masked with infinite depths

Puffy clouds blind my eyes.

Time heals, my eyes now black

The evil of your skin spreads rapid,

Your fists conjure the storm

You find light displaying darkness.

You leak evil from behind your eyes

And paint bruises upon mine,

My heart catches the disease

I feel blue.

Why does the sky turn for a storm

But, leave raindrops on my eyes obscured?

For a victim of domestic violence, remaining in an abusive relationship is less about choosing to stay and more about trying to find the best way to cope and survive within a hostage-like environment. While at first glance it appears that leaving is a no brainer, the situation is often more complex than just choosing to step out the door. Here are just a few of the reasons why someone might stay within a violent situation:

She may have been threatened
Abusers often use threats of violence to keep their significant other from leaving – attempting to escape is often the most dangerous time for women being abused.

She may not know where to go
If someone has been isolated from her family and friends, or if it’s not safe to go to them, she may not know where else to turn for the crucial support she needs to leave the brutality.

She may try to stay for her children
To give her kids a sense of relative normalcy and stability, she may decide to stick it out, enduring beatings and verbal assaults for the sake of the children.

Visit our page “Domestic Violence” to learn more about the barriers to leaving.

Every survivor needs our nonjudgmental support. We can offer resources, a listening ear, a place to stay. But the decision to leave must be hers and hers alone. In a situation where her batterer is constantly seeking to control, the best contrast we can offer is that of someone who doesn’t want to control but who seeks to support.

If you or someone you know is being abused, our crisis line is open 24/7 and can be reached at 269-673-8700. Sylvia’s Place offers emergency shelter for survivors of intimate partner violence, along with supportive residential and nonresidential services.

Your partner does not have to beat you in order to be abusive. One sign that your significant other may be abusing you, is if they attempt to gaslight you on a regular basis. Gaslighting is “a psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes a victim to question their thoughts.”

Examples of what someone might say if he is trying to gaslight you include:

“It’s all in your head.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It’s your fault I did this.”

Statements such as these can make the victim doubt herself, which gives the abuser more control. Many perpetrators will continue their attempts to manipulate by blaming their significant others, lying to them, denying past remarks or events, apologizing and then continuing their abuse, or trying to divert the victim from the current situation.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are a victim of gaslighting, recognize that you deserve to be with someone who respects and does not try to control you. Manipulation in a relationship is not normal and may be indicative of possible further abuse to come. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out by calling us via our 24/7 hotline: 269-673-8700.

Written by Emery Beckman