Domestic abuse, or intimate partner violence, is not a one-time mistake, pent-up frustration, or due to a provocation; it is deliberate and intentional.
Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.
NCADV – National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
The Stats
According to the NCADV:
- 1 in 4 women suffer severe physical violence from an intimate partner
- 1 in 9 men suffer severe physical violence from an intimate partner
- Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner
- 72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder-suicides are female
The Abuse
Psychological/Emotional
- Public or private humiliation
- Name-calling
- Withholding information
- Undermining
- Isolation
- Gaslighting
Digital
- Verbal harassment through technology
- Constantly stalking someone on their social media pages
- Tracking their whereabouts using phones or other technology
Physical
- Hair-pulling
- Punching
- Slapping
- Burning
- Kicking
- Biting
- Strangulation
- Use of weapon
- Forbidding someone to eat/sleep
- Forcing someone to use drugs or alcohol
Sexual
- Refusing to use birth control
- Forbidding someone to use birth control
- Preventing someone from protecting herself/himself from STDs
- Coercing or forcing someone into any sexual act or contact
Economic
- Preventing someone from attending/keeping a job
- Harassing someone at work
- Forcing credit-related transactions
- Preventing someone from accessing financial resources
Safety Planning
Here are some tips on how to improve your odds of getting out of an abusive situation safely:
- Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways of escape
- Identify a safe place to go after leaving
- Have a phone accessible at all times
- Practice how to get out safely, with your children
- Let trusted friends/family/neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual/verbal signal
- Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry
- Keep information such as identification, legal papers, and emergency numbers with you
- Keep emergency money
Why Do They Stay?
Leaving an abuser isn’t as simple as it may seem. Besides the obvious reason of fearing for their lives, here are other reasons why people may struggle to leave their abusers:
- They may still love them
- They may feel embarrassed or ashamed of themselves
- They may not have any resources or know where to go
- They may want to keep their family together
- They may think they deserve the abuse
What Can I Do?
- Be supportive and listen
- Be non-judgmental (reassure them it’s not their fault)
- Help them develop a safety plan
- Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance
- Remember that you cannot “rescue” them — they must make the decision for themselves
